You Really Think He’s Into You?
August 15, 2011 Ask Coach Yvonne

No Pressure?
During the Ask Wendy segment of the Wendy Williams Show, a twenty two year old young lady asked Wendy if she should continue to wait to have sex with a guy she’s been dating for the past eight months. According to her, the guy has not been pressuring her for sex (and what is so wrong with that?) so she wants to know if he’s “into her” or not.

Maybe He IS Into You
In addition, she’s been throwing herself at him (poor baby) and he’s not responding so she wants to know if she should leave or continue to stay and wait it out. Wendy’s advice was, “Leave! He’s Not Into You.” That piece of advice turned me off because did it ever occur to her that because he’s “into her” he wants to wait?

Decently and in Order
There was a time when women valued men who wanted to do things decently and in order and there was also a time when men were encouraged and smiled upon because they wanted to respect a woman and wait until marriage.  Today men like that are asked if their gay and women are told that men who aren’t having sex or pressuring them for sex are not into them.   Am I the only one who sees something very wrong with this picture?

Wait Until Marriage
I’m not Jesus, I don’t walk on water, I’m far from perfect and unfortunately I’m not a virgin but a twenty two year old young lady and everyone else for that matter should wait until marriage to consummate. I know that’s a foreign concept but it is God’s original design for sex.  He designed it therefore he gets to create the rules and when we don’t follow the rules, there are consequences like STD’s which brings me to my next point.

Its Not a Joke
Wendy joked that the guy might be waiting on an STD to heal.  That’s not a joke! That’s the world we live in today and its something we need to take seriously.   According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control,) nearly half of all black women are afflicted with genital herpes; nearly half! 48 percent of black women between the ages of 14 and 49 have the virus that causes genital herpes.  What’s worse, most sisters don’t even know they’re walking around with the disease.  Health officials say, up to 80 percent of genital herpes infections in the United States are undiagnosed.

Set High Standards
Instead of telling young girls to leave a relationship because a man is not sleeping with her therefore he’s not into her, we need to encourage young girls to set high standards and incorporate boundaries when dealing with men. We need to let them know that when a man has sex with you, it doesn’t mean he’s “into you” it simply means you had sex.  To him, sex is sex…nothing more.

Soul Ties
We need to teach girls that sex is so much more than a physical activity and that every time we have sex with someone, we tie our souls to that person. We need to let them know that their life is worth so much more than the price of a condom. We need to bring them into a relationship with Christ so that they can know beyond a shadow of a doubt what he says about them and find their identity in him.

Excellent Choices
When a woman finds her identity in Christ and knows who she is in him, she will never throw herself at a man.   She will love the fact that he’s not pressuring her for sex and respects her enough to follow God’s plan for sex within marriage.  There are so many more valuable lessons we need to teach our young girls so that they develop a healthy level of self-esteem and confidence that will allow them to make excellent choices.

STD – Pregnant – Abortion?
At the tender age of twenty two, how many men will this poor girl sleep with before she walks down the aisle if she ever walks down the aisle? How many times will she put herself at risk for an STD or an unwanted pregnancy? How many abortions will she have to get rid of the kid she didn’t want and can’t afford?

Culture Driven by Sex
I know we live in a culture driven by sex but it is possible to remain celibate, abstain or remain a virgin in this day and time and that is the message we need to tell our young girls. We need to let them know that if a guy is “Into you,” he will put a ring on it before pursuing a sexual relationship.  Sleeping around and having casual/random sex is not the answer.   Like Dr. Howard Carter says, “If you’re good enough to BED, you’re good enough to WED.

Something to think about!

"4" Comments
  1. Just like a female needs to know that what she carries and can offer physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually is PRECIOUS—men need to know that what he has below the equator is precious. Most men don't know that what he has to offer, a person SHOULD be qualified to get. I believe the teaching should be for BOTH genders. You as a man should know your value and as a female you should know your value. (as you stated) the RISK of STD's, THE RISK of unwanted pregnancy, etc…I did share with him the "soul ties" issues..and to be honest, he said: He never thought of HIMSELF that way…(being valuable). Thank you for your NOTE, chica!

  2. My short reply:)

    Is there any way for you to get this to Wendy directly or indirectly?

  3. Terrific post. Thanks.

  4. Pingback: Being a Virgin Is BIZARRE

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